Special Sedona

First solo vacation in seven years… Sedona is a special place. I planned to do some writing here but as my wise son reminded me, “mommy, you don’t need to do any writing, you know? You can go and just be.” I looked at him as I often do… you’re right son, you’re right. Let me let go of any plans and just be in the flow. So, I’ve been on a rock/crystal walking/climbing meditation for the past few days. That was after a 2hr drive from the airport with no music. Just me talking to myself in different accents. I used to do that all the time; entertain myself talking aloud. Laughing at myself, about myself, talking complete nonsense. 

Water erodes rocks. So do footsteps. I spent the last few days following foot steps. I found myself marching to the vortex at first. And after the first hour, I decided to slow down… slow down before you break down. Learn to rest. Take your time, and honor every step. It’s not about getting to the vortices. Everything can be a meditation. Stop focusing on the outcome, the result and just be present, in each moment. I hiked/walked/climbed for another 4hrs. I wouldn’t have been able to do 5hrs if I had rushed through it all. And because I watched my every step, I saw crystals glisten from the ground., sparkling like angel dust. I saw massive ravens fly above my crown and call to me. Representing magic, courage, healing, divination, rebirth, wisdom, shapeshifting. They are the master magicians carrying messages from the divine. They have the ability to find light in darkness. 

My toes were bleeding after the 1st day, from the friction of my toenails. Note to self: file down the corners! I pushed out my aura in my hotel room to cleanse it of other people’s energy and slept soundly. When I woke, I could hardly walk. It was a reminder of how lazy I’ve become, driving everywhere in Los Angeles will do it. At least, that is my excuse. I went to seven vortexes. I felt energy moving in a clockwise direction in my left palm, surge up my arm, pass through my heart center, travel down my right arm and pulsate out of my right palm while my crown opened wide like a flicker of a fan. At another vortex, I felt information download into my left palm and out of my right palm and my 3rd eye pulsated. At another, it cleansed my solar plexus and fluorescent colored shells cascaded before my eyelids. Sacred geometry. But the strongest, most potent, was the medicine wheel. Possibly millions of ceremonies held by shamans and medicine wo/men have been performed at the medicine wheel. Just a bunch of rocks… but once I stood in the middle of it - wow - the energy made my head spin and nearly knocked me off my feet. It was extremely intense. 

This whole place is an energy vortex and it is possible, if you’re not sensitive to energy, to not feel a thing. Some people visit the vortices and don’t feel anything. You have to tune into it. Just like anything in life. You gotta drop into it. It’s subtle. But if you allow the energy to move through you - move you - it will. Just like anything in life. You gotta receive it and allow it to penetrate. And it goes in deep. I am still vibrating, circulating, pulsating… and I stopped 3hrs ago.

I ate juniper berries. I learned that Walt Disney found his inspiration from the prickly pear cactus here, to create Mickey Mouse. I also learned that if the trunk of a Juniper tree is twisted, it’s an indication that it’s on a vortex. Some vortices have masculine energies, some have feminine energies, some have both. Every vortex is different and they are all magical. I came here to relax. And I leave, sore all over, but super charged by Earth’s electrons and magnetic field. I also learned that: some of the most tumultuous paths, lead to the most stunning views… Just like anything in life. 

Thank you, Sedona.

Making It

I used to think to have world-famous parents meant life is easy for you and you've already made it, how lucky. Till I met a client who has a world-famous father and has struggled most of her life and when asked to borrow some money from him just once, he had his lawyers draw up a contract with increasing interest rates. She never asked for his support again.

I use to think to look like a supermodel meant life was a dream and you've already made it, how lucky. Till I met a client who can't stand the way she looks and said it's a curse - not because she thinks she's ugly - but because people have always told her she's dumb but looks good so now she's in a career she hates because she feels she is not capable of doing anything else while being plagued with traumatic memories of a violent father and bipolar mother. 

I used to think winning an Oscar meant you've made it and everything else is gravy. Till I met a client who's won 2 Oscars but feels absolutely nothing for winning them because of a lifetime of being emasculated and never speaking up for himself so he's completely shut down and disconnected. 

I used to think people who've attended ivy league schools have made it, how lucky. Till I met a client - a Yale graduate with stage 4 breast cancer who was drugged and raped in Yale as her first sexual experience; where the men chanted, "no means yes! Yes means anal!!" And to this day, she is haunted by that memory.

I used to think being born into wealth meant you've made it and life must be easy. Till I met a client who's a recovering alcoholic, born into wealth, but has spent a lifetime compounding and manifesting more shame, from being molested as a child and lacks confidence, ambition and even a drive to live. 

It's easy to assume that people who have what you want, have made it. And I'm not saying don't go for it - by all means - do. But y/our definition of "making it" may not be the thing that gives you what you are looking for. And while it's true, not every story is like this, these clients have specifically come into my life to shed light, ignorance, and naivety. Thinking others have it easy is just another form of victimhood mentality. Maybe "making it" is just liking who you are. Maybe it's being okay with where you're at. Maybe it's having loving relationships. Maybe it's having good health. Whatever your definition is - May we all feel like we've made it. 

Podcast: Awakenings in Real Life, episode #16

Podcast now available: my reluctant journey of becoming a healer, being terrified of spirits as a child, how divorce showed me my strengths, how my son forced me into my purpose, receiving my first apology from my dead father during an ayahuasca ceremony in the Amazon jungle, subconscious hacking, healing kids through their parents, shadow aspects, signs from the Universe and much more.

Thank you, Ruby Mercado and Kathryn Chaya Lubow for sharing my story.

At www.awakeningsinreallife.com

You can also find the podcast on iTunes here.