I'm teaching my son that it's okay to feel all of his feelings. That we as humans get to experience a vast array of emotions. We label them as "good" or "bad" but they are neither. They are just feelings. All they want is to be acknowledged and felt. And when we hold space to feel, they move through us like passing clouds... and all is well.

Part of the human experience is to feel. So let the feels feel. No need to hold on, maintain, sustain or repress or deny. I share with him that many people have problems when they reject their feelings: Their human experience. And he doesn't need to do that.

Crying is not weak. Crying is simply a release of emotions. A purge. We cry when we are sad, we cry when we are happy. We cry when we are in pain, we cry when we are enraged. We cry when we are afraid. We cry when we are overjoyed, overwhelmed, ecstatic, moved, inspired. It's okay to cry. It's part of the human experience. And he is a beautiful human.

Kaleidoscope neon psychedelic
three dimensional
moving morphing
projection
Is everyone seeing what I’m seeing?
A whole other dimension, world, reality
Existential surrealism

I am body less, mind less, sex less, race less
Am I breathing?
I am human less
A diamond mosaic
turning spinning rotating
Infinite consciousness
A thousand times more
Infinity and beyond
space and time
Beyond human mind perception

Music, designed to take, guide, manipulate, show
I am smiling, I am smiling
Yes, I am human in fleeting moments
Cartoons lego world
I don’t want to open them
Stay here like this
In magnificent awe
Grandmother Ayahuasca
Has is been four hours?
What is my work? Show me

She is the Condor, she is the puma, she is the serpent
Oh now, you will see all the things you don’t want to see
The traumas of your life hard wiring your prison
Why, you signed up for this
this is your hell, welcome to hell

The suffering, the marriage, the divorce, the anger, the pain
Criticism, judgement, hardship, control, trauma, ego…
Raw, unfiltered, undiluted heartache, heartbreak, without philosophy
without enlightenment, without reasoning or intellect
Canon firing vomit over my hands. Body convulsions

I collapse

My blanket – taken away
Cold sweat, on a brink of a seizure
I’m dying
I’m dying like this
A corpse lying in vomit with a broken heart
A shattered ego
bombarded with pain
You asked for this. You wanted this
“When does the music stop?”
“Soon.” She smiles. “Breathe, be patient, do the work.”
Head, lead balloon
Heart break makes the heart stronger…
Let it go
Let it go
Let go

The music is torture
I can’t breathe enough

Wait. Why are people dancing?
This is not romantic
Where’s my sense of humor?
“When’s the music going to stop?”
Like a Master turned slave
A Queen turned servant
I’m down on my knees
Where’s my redemption?
I paid for this
My soul screamed for this
8hrs later, the music stops.

Oh, God. The silence…

The silence…
I’m back…

Broken, dissected, disjointed, unravelled
What happened, last night?
I died a thousand deaths… that’s right