Earthing

If like me, you spend a lot of time working indoors, you may want to invest in earthing pillowcases, bedsheets and/or mats. Earthing refers to contact with the Earth’s surface electrons by walking barefoot outside or sitting/touching the earth to strengthen the immune system, remove positive ions/charges, electromagnetic radiation, and free radicals. 

Earthing lowers your body voltage to its healthy level. Connects you with earth’s healing energies, grounds you, reduces inflammation, less stress, less cortisol, less pain, improves sleep quality, energy, circulation, metabolism and speeds up recovery from physical trauma. 

Earthing bedding is regular sheets with a conductive material woven through them. This conductive material connects to a wire you plug into the grounding port on a standard electrical outlet. Every outlet has a ground wire that connects the electricity in the house to the ground outside. By grounding your bedding to this grounding wire, you’re theoretically grounding yourself to the Earth.

Making It

I used to think to have world-famous parents meant life is easy for you and you've already made it, how lucky. Till I met a client who has a world-famous father and has struggled most of her life and when asked to borrow some money from him just once, he had his lawyers draw up a contract with increasing interest rates. She never asked for his support again.

I use to think to look like a supermodel meant life was a dream and you've already made it, how lucky. Till I met a client who can't stand the way she looks and said it's a curse - not because she thinks she's ugly - but because people have always told her she's dumb but looks good so now she's in a career she hates because she feels she is not capable of doing anything else while being plagued with traumatic memories of a violent father and bipolar mother. 

I used to think winning an Oscar meant you've made it and everything else is gravy. Till I met a client who's won 2 Oscars but feels absolutely nothing for winning them because of a lifetime of being emasculated and never speaking up for himself so he's completely shut down and disconnected. 

I used to think people who've attended ivy league schools have made it, how lucky. Till I met a client - a Yale graduate with stage 4 breast cancer who was drugged and raped in Yale as her first sexual experience; where the men chanted, "no means yes! Yes means anal!!" And to this day, she is haunted by that memory.

I used to think being born into wealth meant you've made it and life must be easy. Till I met a client who's a recovering alcoholic, born into wealth, but has spent a lifetime compounding and manifesting more shame, from being molested as a child and lacks confidence, ambition and even a drive to live. 

It's easy to assume that people who have what you want, have made it. And I'm not saying don't go for it - by all means - do. But y/our definition of "making it" may not be the thing that gives you what you are looking for. And while it's true, not every story is like this, these clients have specifically come into my life to shed light, ignorance, and naivety. Thinking others have it easy is just another form of victimhood mentality. Maybe "making it" is just liking who you are. Maybe it's being okay with where you're at. Maybe it's having loving relationships. Maybe it's having good health. Whatever your definition is - May we all feel like we've made it. 

Grandmother Ayahuasca

Kaleidoscope neon psychedelic
three dimensional
moving morphing
projection
Is everyone seeing what I’m seeing?
A whole other dimension, world, reality
Existential surrealism

I am body less, mind less, sex less, race less
Am I breathing?
I am human less
A diamond mosaic
turning spinning rotating
Infinite consciousness
A thousand times more
Infinity and beyond
space and time
Beyond human mind perception

Music, designed to take, guide, manipulate, show
I am smiling, I am smiling
Yes, I am human in fleeting moments
Cartoons lego world
I don’t want to open them
Stay here like this
In magnificent awe
Grandmother Ayahuasca
Has is been four hours?
What is my work? Show me

She is the Condor, she is the puma, she is the serpent
Oh now, you will see all the things you don’t want to see
The traumas of your life hard wiring your prison
Why, you signed up for this
this is your hell, welcome to hell

The suffering, the marriage, the divorce, the anger, the pain
Criticism, judgement, hardship, control, trauma, ego…
Raw, unfiltered, undiluted heartache, heartbreak, without philosophy
without enlightenment, without reasoning or intellect
Canon firing vomit over my hands. Body convulsions

I collapse

My blanket – taken away
Cold sweat, on a brink of a seizure
I’m dying
I’m dying like this
A corpse lying in vomit with a broken heart
A shattered ego
bombarded with pain
You asked for this. You wanted this
“When does the music stop?”
“Soon.” She smiles. “Breathe, be patient, do the work.”
Head, lead balloon
Heart break makes the heart stronger…
Let it go
Let it go
Let go

The music is torture
I can’t breathe enough

Wait. Why are people dancing?
This is not romantic
Where’s my sense of humor?
“When’s the music going to stop?”
Like a Master turned slave
A Queen turned servant
I’m down on my knees
Where’s my redemption?
I paid for this
My soul screamed for this
8hrs later, the music stops.

Oh, God. The silence…

The silence…
I’m back…

Broken, dissected, disjointed, unravelled
What happened, last night?
I died a thousand deaths… that’s right

As a product of your childhood - You are a HUGE success!

Maybe you were exposed to toxic substances from within utero.
Or raised by one parent, a grandparent, a sibling, a group home or an orphanage.
Maybe you have no place to call home.

Maybe you experienced sexual abuse, rape, molestation; mental, emotional, psychological,
physical abuse growing up… Maybe you still do.

Maybe you were sick as a child or broke bones or went under countless surgeries.
Maybe you were bullied a lot and cried yourself to sleep or wet the bed consistently, plagued by fears and nightmares. Maybe you were afraid of the dark. Maybe, you have to sleep with the light on, radio on, TV on, clothes on. Maybe you’re afraid to be alone. Maybe your family fought all the time, or judged, blamed, criticized you. Ignored, abandoned, neglected, rejected you.

Maybe they were silent. Maybe you raised yourself. Maybe you hate yourself.

Maybe you were around abusive relationships and have attempted to end your life. Or have lost loved ones along the way, and live in devastation from a broken heart. Maybe your father wasn’t around or your mother was ill. Maybe you were the parent of the household.

Maybe you have self medicated, feeling like life didn’t matter,
that YOU don’t matter… Maybe in your eyes, you don’t have the perfect face, perfect body,
perfect soul. Maybe you have lost a limb or two, or one or two of your senses… Maybe in your mind, you don’t have the perfect partner, home, job, career, family, health, life. Maybe you feel far from perfect. And maybe you’re convinced you’ll never be happy or deserve a good life. Maybe you’re filthy rich because of this, or dirt poor because of it. Maybe money was used against you as a child. Maybe money was evil, or it was more important than you.

Maybe life seems like a long punishing road and you can’t shake off
your past – condemned to/controlled by your demons/memories… Maybe you feel you have no one to love or that no one loves you. Maybe you feel; misunderstood. Maybe you eat to fill an empty void. Or starve. Maybe you feel you have a lot of issues, too many to count… Maybe you’re incarcerated. Institutionalized. Maybe you’re depressed, manic, bi-polar, abusive, vengeful or full of rage. Maybe it’s difficult to be a human, life is hard, life is a struggle. Maybe there’s no hope… Maybe you have too many fears, too many phobias, too many things, not enough things, too many questions, not enough answers, too many voices, too much confusion, too much noise. And maybe… you are terminally ill. Maybe you think life is about punishment and suffering…

Maybe you were taught that.
Maybe your mother didn’t tell you “I love you.” Or “You are so special.” Maybe there was a war…

If you have experienced or suffered or survived any of this, all of this,
and you are still breathing: you are miracle. Yes, you.
You are: a miracle. And as a product of your childhood: you are a success.

“Despite everything that has happened: I survived, therefor:
As a PRODUCT of my childhood, I am a HUGE success.”